Well it’s not about control which does appeal to anxious people but it’s more about how do we influence and work with the caveman. Especially when he is being too horny, anxious, angry, stressed or indulging in bad habits which are causing problems?
You have to remember that the caveman’s priority is to keep you safe. He also loves to feel important, he loves to feel secure, loved and connected. He will prioritise these sometimes in what feels like a random way but the reality is that the caveman will do the best he can in that moment based on how he feels no matter how damaging that could be.
Your human part needs exercising, he/ she needs to get stronger so they have much more influence over the caveman. The human in you is rational, wiser, compassionate and able to see the bigger picture. This is not about challenging, fighting or any other type of conflict, this is about working with the caveman in a more helpful way.
Human Exercise 1 The Bigger Picture
His top priority is to keep you safe and he will do it by locking out the human part of you as much as he can so the lie he spins feels as real as possible. By exercising the human part of more you can over time get to have more influence. You have to show him that what he is getting you to do is not going to be safer at all. You have to show him the pain and misery it will cause if you indulge in what he thinks is the best option.
Caveman says: “Don’t go out, as you will feel anxious in that situation.”
You normally agree and find a way to avoid the looming situation and use excuses not to go. If you force yourself to go then you find that the caveman is getting way too agitated and makes the experience just too horrible to continue with.
Your human part could do this : “Thanks for the offer caveman, I could stay home as you suggest but let’s look at what happens if I keep taking your offers.
If you indulge in hiding away then how will your life turn out?
What will you lose if you continue this way?
Will you lose your husband, wife or partner as they get fed up of you listening to the caveman?
What happens as the caveman expands and grows his fears or habits?
What happens as you pass your fears or habits onto your children?
What happens to your dreams, goals and career?
What happens to your friendships?
What happens to your health?
Will you lose your home or family?
You have to be brutally honest with this to show the caveman that by indulging in what seems like harmless avoidance is simply going to grow into something much more nastier. If you indulge in potentially harmful behaviours such as unsafe sex, affairs, violence, anger, smoking, over eating, bingeing on drugs or drink you can show the caveman what is really going to be lost in detail if you continue.
It really is amazing how quickly the caveman can drop a bad habit in favour of something healthier if he is shown the consequences of what he is doing.
Exercise 2. Observing
Practise observing the caveman in action as if you are scientist watching his thoughts and behaviour with curiosity. After all the caveman will entertain all possible thoughts about the future and it is important to realise that they are just thoughts and nothing else. If you act as if they are all true then you are indulging the caveman and growing something harmful for the future. Yes at times a thought needs wise action as he may save your life, you have to take the thought in context with the situation. If in a dark alley and being followed he may say run, running may save your life even if the person behind you is harmless.
All thoughts are just thoughts and practising being aware of the caveman and his thought processes exercises the human part of you to increase your wisdom and pro-active action for an easier, happier more content life.
I can help make this much easier and more natural for your mind to do. If you would like some help please contact me for more information.
Pic Courtesy of ChrisRoll at Freedigitalphotos.net.